Emotional Roller Coaster

Last weekend, Sarah, another PCV, and I had an interesting conversation about emotions. We both came to the conclusion that emotional states here, for some reason, are extremely magnified. Things that would make you relatively happy at home can just about make your month here. For example, getting NYT crossword puzzles and a few magazines in the mail will make me smile all day long, combine that with a few packets of tuna and crystal light and I may as well have won the damn lottery. Conversely, the smallest disappointment can make you feel like you are stuck at the bottom of a 30-foot well with no one around to hear your screams. Every day here I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and just wondering when I am going to hit the highest point of the day or the lowest. Granted some days the average of my emotional state tends to be higher, but today has not been one of those days.

This story really began yesterday, so that is where I will start. I was listening to the news on VOA and realized that there were some terrorist acts that took place in Nairobi as a result of Kenyan forces entering into Somalia. I called up Peace Corps because I was concerned they would not let me travel to Nairobi to take the LSAT in about a month. As suspected, I am not allowed to travel to Kenya and in all honesty do not really want to be anywhere near people and hand grenades. I then contacted the people who give the test and explained my situation. Unfortunately, they are going to make me pay the extra money (a lot of extra money) to have the test moved to Dar. I could have done this earlier, but was going to take it in Nairobi to save money. On the upside they are going to let me take it in Dar, which I guess they did not have to agree to. Anyway, this coupled with the fact that Sunday morning I woke up with another lovely case of food poisoning set my week off to a really horrendous start.

Moving on, this morning when I was going to teach my first period class and realized the majority of my students were not in the classroom, but being punished for arriving to school late, I went and rounded them up in front of the teacher on duty without permission. Looking back, it was a poor decision not to ask first, but they were using my class time to punish students.  I admittedly did what I did out not out frustration and because I wanted to teach my students for a full period, but because I needed an emotional pick me up. My latter intention completely backfired in my face (Yes, Judy, if you are reading, I may have asked for this one). After class I felt guilty about what I had done and went to apologize to the teacher, whom I had wronged. [I should mention that culturally Tanzanians will not tell you if they are angry with you unless they are extremely angry with you.] Being less than thrilled to see me, he told me he was angry. I apologized to him and tried to explain that I know I live here and am expected to follow Tanzanian culture and in America what I did would not have been looked favorably upon either. I also tried to justify my actions by explaining that it is not easy for me to follow another culture 24 hours a day 7 days a week and as a result my behavior sometimes breaks down. After my explanation he seemed to understand my position, but still insisted I stole my students so they would not be hit because I do not approve of corporal punishment. I agree with him that I do not approve of it, but stated that I knew there was nothing I could do about it and was more upset that he was taking up my class time.  After all was said and done I called up and vented to Kat, who was really gracious and listened to me even though she experiences the same situation daily at her school, then made a cup of coffee.

Lesson learned from this situation: (maybe more like hypothesis reconfirmed) emotions are extremely amplified here and I think whenever I enter into a charged situation I need to keep a better charge of my emotional state and account for huge fluctuation. All in all, sometimes, as my father says, you have to eat a little crow.

All my love from TZ.